War of the Words
by Your Regular Belle
Summary: Emmett Cullen decides to send the Romanian Coven a request to use IM... and then adds the Volturi to the conversation as a joke. Will a war of words commence? Another IM story, but with a twist. M for language
1. Emmett WTF

**Ok, basically Emmett Cullen decides to introduce Romanian coven to MSN, and then later, as a joke, he makes accounts for the Volturi too :P Totally random I know but I need a short break from my deeper fanfic and I thought a silly one would do the trick :PP**

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Vladimir: 3000YearOldVirgin

Stefan: RevengeIsSweet

Emmett: TheHulk

Edward: IKnowWhatYouDid

Jasper: HowAreYouFeeling

Bella: BlockYou

Rosalie: BabeWithBrains

Alice: IHaveForseen

Carlisle: SmoothOperator

Esme: PerfectHousewife

Aro: IWantToTouchYou

Caius: Don'tMakeMeAngry

Marcus: :I

Jane: SmileAngelSmile

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**_TheHulk has signed on_**

**_3000YearOldVirgin has signed on_**

**_RevengeIsSweet has signed on_**

3000YearOldVirgin: Stefan, what is this?

RevengeIsSweet: Some sort of modern conversing method I believe.

TheHulk: It worked!!!!!!

3000YearOldVirgin: Pardon?

RevengeIsSweet: What worked?

TheHulk: Mi plan!!! I sent u the invitation to start using msn :D you accepted!!!!

3000YearOldVirgin: Obviously.

RevengeIsSweet: Why would you do that?

TheHulk: i thought it wud b fun :P

3000YearOldVirgin: What is the colon and P?

TheHulk: Are you serious!?

3000YearOldVirgin: Deadly.

TheHulk: the colon means eyes, and the P is a mouth with a tongue sticking out

RevengeIsSweet: You are disrespecting us?

TheHulk: NOOOOO!!! Its a 21st century lingo thing :S

3000YearOldVirgin: Hmmmm.

TheHulk: pinky promise

RevengeIsSweet: Pinky promise? Meaning?

TheHulk: OMG *faceplants*

3000YearOldVirgin: What is your name, anyway?

**_SmoothOperator signed on_**

**_BlockYou signed on_**

TheHulk: Hi Carlisle!! Hi Bella!!!

SmoothOperator: Hello Emmett.

BlockYou: Hey Emmett

3000YearOldVirgin: Cullen's I presume?

SmoothOperator: Yes...Who are you?

3000YearOldVirgin: Vladimir.

RevengeIsSweet: Stefan.

BlockYou: The Romanians!?

RevengeIsSweet: Indeed.

SmoothOperator: How did you two come about getting an MSN account!?

RevengeIsSweet: Your son, Emmett, sent us a request.

3000YearOldVirgin: We became curious...

RevengeIsSweet: ...So we accepted.

3000YearOldVirgin: Indeed.

BlockYou: ...

TheHulk: Creepy...

SmoothOperator: Emmett why did you send Vladimir and Stefan MSN requests?

TheHulk: Cos I thought it wud b fun :PPPP

RevengeIsSweet: Again with the colon and P.

TheHulk: ROFL at your names btw

3000YearOldVirgin: We were allocated them through no choice of our own.

RevengeIsSweet: ROFL?

BlockYou: Rolling On the Floor Laughing.

RevengeIsSweet: I see.

TheHulk: r u really a 3000 year old virgin Vladimir????

3000YearOldVirgin: Are you really so illiterate?

RevengeIsSweet: Your spelling is atrocious.

TheHulk: You didn't answer my question!!!

3000YearOldVirgin: I am.

TheHulk: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ETC!!

SmoothOperator: Emmett!

TheHulk: I'm not

3000YearOldVirgin: Do you wish for me to kill you?

TheHulk: you and what army? The Volturi killed them all.....

_TheHulk has signed off_

3000YearOldVirgin: How dare you!

SmoothOperator: I'm so sorry, Vladimir. I will punish him I assure you.

_BlockYou has signed out_

3000YearOldVirgin: Make it painfull...

RevengeIsSweet: ...Slow...

3000YearOldVirgin: ...Gruesome...

RevengeIsSweet: ...Satisfying.

3000YearOldVirgin: Indeed.

RevengeIsSweet: Indeed.

SmoothOperator: I have to leave...

RevengeIsSweet: Fairwell.

3000YearOldVirgin: Fairwell.

SmoothOperator: ...

_SmoothOperator has signed out_

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**Lol, random, retarded etc.. i know But fun for me to write. I am currently very ill :(((( so I am writing this to take a break from the heavier stuff while I recover :P**

**Dw: The Volturi will come soon, and things will get interesting...**

**ILY**

**Xxxx**

**OMG ye: disclaimer!!!**


	2. Aro Is Gay! On A Stick

**Ok chapter two took a while sorry but I've had a chest infection :((( At first the doctors thought I had Swine Flu LOLOLOL**

**Disclaimer – Although I would happily adopt Vladimir and Stefan any day!**

**Reviews are amazing things...(hinthint)**

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_**HowAreYouFeeling has signed on**_

_**BlockYou has signed on**_

BlockYou: Hey Jazz!

HowAreYouFeeling: Hello Bella 

3000YearOldVirgin: Good morn, Cullens.

RevengeIsSweet: Good morn.

HowAreYouFeeling: Who are you!?

BlockYou: Romanian coven

HowAreYouFeeling: Why do they have... wait lemmie guess. Emmett.

BlockYou: Yep

RevengeIsSweet: It is so.

HowAreYouFeeling: *Sighs*

_**TheHulk has signed on**_

BlockYou: Speak of the devil

TheHulk: Emmett is IN the building!!

HowAreYouFeeling: Unfortunately

3000YearOldVirgin: I second that.

TheHulk: on a stick!

BlockYou: What?

TheHulk: on a stick

HowAreYouFeeling: Emmett WTF?

RevengeIsSweet: What is on a stick?

TheHulk: You

RevengeIsSweet: I?

TheHulk: no, not I, you... are on a stick

BlockYou: ...

HowAreYouFeeling: Emmett what are you on!?

TheHulk: ...A stick! Haha

HowAreYouFeeling: no seriously.

TheHulk: I'm just excited... (on a stick)

BlockYou: Is Rosalie in a Bikini again?

TheHulk: No... something else (on a stick)

BlockYou: What?

TheHulk: I added some certain people to our accounts... Vladimir and Stefan, you two may appreciate this! (on a stick)

3000YearOldVirgin: Who are these people?

TheHulk: Not telling :P But jazz and bella, this is gunna be SOOO funny! (on a stick)

HowAreYouFeeling: Uh-oh

TheHulk: HAHAHA any minute now!!! (on a stick)

BlockYou: We should be very worried...

RevengeIsSweet: I gathered.

_**BabeWithBrains has signed on**_

_**IHaveForseen has signed on**_

BabeWithBrains: Hey guys!

TheHulk: Hey baby! (on a stick)

IHaveForseen: On a stick?

RevengeIsSweet: Do not ask.

IHaveForseen: Who are you?

RevengeIsSweet: Stefan.

3000YearOldVirgin: Vladimir.

TheHulk: Emmett. (on a stick)

BlockYou: Emmett I think she knows who you are!

TheHulk: Couldn't resist. (on a stick)

BabeWithBrains: What's with the 'on a stick' thing, babe?

TheHulk: ON A STICK ON A STICK ON A STICK ON A STICK ON A STICK

BabeWithBrains: ?

RevengeIsSweet: I told you not to ask.

HowAreYouFeeling: He's hyper. He added 'certain people' that are going to make this conversation amusing apparently.

TheHulk: HELL YEEAAHH (on a stick)

BlockYou: Stop with the on a stick!

TheHulk: .... ON A MOTHERFUCKING STICK!!

IHaveForseen: 0_0

3000YearOldVirgin: Such rudeness.

RevengeIsSweet: Yes.

_**IWantToTouchYou has signed on**_

_**Don'tMakeMeAngry has signed on**_

_**:l has signed on**_

TheHulk: they're here!!!!!!!!!!! (On a stick)

IWantToTouchYou: Oh this is rather delightful, is it not brothers? Experiencing modern communications for the youth of today!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: If you say so.

**:l** : Didyme.

BlockYou: Who are you??

TheHulk: It's the Volturi!!!!!!!!! (ON A FUCKING SHROOM STICK)

BlockYou: What!?

HowAreYouFeeling: EMMETT YOU DICK! YOU SET THIS UP DIDN'T YOU!!

TheHulk: Yes!! Isn't it great!!!!! (on a stick with curry)

BabeWithBrains: OMG!

IHaveForseen: I did NOT see this coming!!!

3000YearOldVirgin: PARDON!

RevengeIsSweet: PARDON!

**:l **: Didyme.

IWantToTouchYou: Which of you is Emmett Cullen?

TheHulk: ME!!! (on a stick with an economic history of the USSR)

IWantToTouchYou: Are you really on a stick with an economic history of the USSR?

TheHulk: Yes I am on a stick with an economic history of the USSR (on a stick with an economic history of the USSR)

IWantToTouchYou: Wonderful! And who else is here?

BlockYou: Bella Cullen. Unfortunately.

HowAreYouFeeling: Jasper Hale. Unfortunately.

BabeWithBrains: Rosalie Hale. Unfortunately.

IHaveForseen: Alice Cullen. Unfortunately.

IWantToTouchYou: And the other two? 3000 year old virgin, and the one who finds revenge sweet?

BlockYou: Erm....

HowAreYouFeeling: Uhhh

**:l **: Didyme.

3000YearOldVirgin: Your worst nightmares...

IWantToTouchYou: Delighful! With 'worst' being a middle name?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Aro... That is not a name.

IWantToTouchYou: Is it not? Then why did he say it Caius?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: It was a threat.

**:l **: Didyme.

IWantToTouchYou: Nonsense. Why would anyone threaten us? We would demolish them!

RevengeIsSweet: Italian Bastards!

IWantToTouchYou: Oh what an unusual name you have! No middle one then?

IWantToTouchYou: Aro...

IWantToTouchYou: Peace brother. What do you think of this 'chart' site Marcus?

BlockYou: You mean chat?

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, yes.

**:l **: Didyme Didyme Didyme. Didyme. Didyme Didyme Didyme Didyme.

IWantToTouchYou: Oh really? Why is that?

**:l** : Didyme Didyme. Didyme.

IWantToTouchYou: How interesting! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, brother!

BabeWithBrains: ?????

HowAreYouFeeling: What on earth did he just say????

IWantToTouchYou: That he quite likes the colour scheme but would prefer it if the font was slightly more elegant. He also thinks that the scroll bar at the side should be a lighter shade of blue because it matches the sky.

IHaveForseen: He said that... by saying Didyme!?

IWantToTouchYou: Yes. Wonderful is it not?

BlockYou: What is a Didyme? A flower?

TheHulk: NO DUMBASS OMG! HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET! (On a stick with Didyme)

**:l** : DIDYME.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Marcus agrees with Emmett, but does not like how his comment mentions Didyme.

BabeWithBrains: Is Didyme a colour?

TheHulk: OMFG NOOOOOO HAHAHAH (On a stick having sex with a Didyme)

**:l** : DIDYME DIDYME DIDYME!

IHaveForseen: Well what is a Didyme then Emmett.

TheHulk: OMG HAHAHA YOUR STUPID LOL YOU HAVE TO ASK HAHAHAHAHAAHAH.

HowAreYouFeeling: Just say it Emmett!

TheHulk: Didyme is a type of fungus that grows on the sides of ponds and devours paedophiles. God, you're such dumbasses, everyone knows that! (On a stick with Didyme in a bikini)

**:l **: DIDYME DIDYME DIDYME DIDYME DIDYME! DIDYME DIDYME DIDYME. DIDYME DIDYME. DIDYME DIDYME!

BlockYou: I'm guessing that meant something very detailed?

IWantToTouchYou: No. It meant no.

BabeWithBrains: Really?

TheHulk: It's not a fungus that devours paedophiles?

IWantToTouchYou: No.

3000YearOldVirgin: If it was, it would have digested Aro as soon as Jane joined his guard.

TheHulk: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OOOOOHHH ARO YOU GOT OWNED!!!!! (On a stick with Didyme wearing nothing)

**:l** : Didyme.....

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Who ARE you?

3000YearOldVirgin: Vladimir!

RevengeIsSweet: Stefan! Remember us?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: IMPOSSIBLE! WE DESTROYED YOUR FAMILY!

IWantToTouchYou: Ooh, those names ring a bell or two... now let me think. Are you the tailor Vladimir?

3000YearOldVirgin: Well you missed two of us...

IWantToTouchYou: Oh I know you are the chimney sweep! Am I right?

RevengeIsSweet: To your misfortune...

IWantToTouchYou: No no! You're the male stripper I ordered once aren't you?

**:l **: Didyme...?

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, yes. You all know I am gay, do you not?

**ON THAT BOMBSHELL....TO BE CONTINUED (ON A STICK WITH AN ECONIMIC HISTORY OF DIDYME WEARING A BIKINI AND DEVOURING A SMALL BOY WHO THREW STONES AT YOUR MOM)**

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**Ok that was the weirdest crap I have ever written :S I anticipate lots of flames.....**

**The whole on a stick thing came from something I would not shut up about at school so yeah... its a bit of an inside joke. Feel free to review and I do accept flames...(somewhat unwillingly)**

↓ **go on... press it!**


	3. SILENCE FOOL!

**Ok so I thought it was about time for another chapter :D I've been feeling really low cos IDK if my other fanfic, REVOLUTION, is gunna work out :'(....**

**So this is to cheer me up, Kay?**

**Kay!**

**Hope this is ok :D**

**-RVL**

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**A reminder if you guys have forgotten the namezz:**

Vladimir: 3000YearOldVirgin

Stefan: RevengeIsSweet

Emmett: TheHulk

Edward: IKnowWhatYouDid

Jasper: HowAreYouFeeling

Bella: BlockYou

Rosalie: BabeWithBrains

Alice: IHaveForseen

Carlisle: SmoothOperator

Esme: PerfectHousewife

Aro: IWantToTouchYou

Caius: Don'tMakeMeAngry

Marcus: :I

Jane: SmileAngelSmile

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**AND INTRODUCING... THE VOLTURI WIVES! A ROUND OF APPLAUSE PLEASE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN**

FirstLady: Sulpicia

ILoveCauis: Athenodora

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A CONTINUATION FROM THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER!! *DRAMATIC GASP NOISE*

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Aro...?

IWantToTouchYou: Why yes, Cauis, am I not always Gay?

BlockYou: But... Aren't you married?

:l : Didyme...?

TheHulk: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH ARO IS A POOOF!!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Remember who it is you are talking to...

TheHulk: Ok fine, with all due respect... HAHAHAHAHHAHA ARO IS A POOF!!!

BabeWithBrains: *Facepalms*

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, yes, Bella, I am married to my lovely Sulpicia, thank you for asking.

IHaveForseen: But... you said you were gay?

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, Indeed I did.

HowAreYouFeeling: I am confused.

RevengeIsSweet: The Bastard has that effect on you.

TheHulk: OOOOH ARO YOU GOT PWNED!!!! OOOOOOOOH!!!!

IWantToTouchYou: Bastard? Not I, I had two parents.

TheHulk: OOOOOH STEFAN YOU GOT TOOLLDD!!!!!!! OOOOH!!!

BabeWithBrains: Shut up Emmet!

IHaveForseen: So...lemmie get this straight, Aro. You're gay... but you have a wife?

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, that is correct. I do not see what being gay has to do with having a wife, however.

BlockYou: ...

TheHulk: Aro, do u find Caius or Marcus attractive?

IWantToTouchYou: Certainly not!

TheHulk: Do you get the URGE around them?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Silence! I now understand what my brother has been trying to say... he means gay in the terms of being happy.

BlockYou: Ooohhh... but, the male stripper thing?

IWantToTouchYou: I was 'teasing' as you may say these days. I wanted to test the reaction of younger people when mentioning the word, 'gay.'

TheHulk: OMGEE YOU KNOB!! YOU HAD US FOOLED!

IWantToTouchYou: Knob?

TheHulk: It means penis.

IWantToTouchYou: I see... You were calling me a penis?

TheHulk: Yaaa, but in a good way.

IWantToTouchYou: So... I am a good penis?

HowAreYouFeeling: Omg.... this hurts

BlockYou: Yeah...

:l : Didyme.

TheHulk: OMG MARCUS IS BACK! YO FO SHIZZLE BIG M!?

:l : Didyme...?

BlockYou: Does he ever speak normally?

IWantToTouchYou: No.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Aro? Do you not think we should turn our attention back to the Romanians?

IWantToTouchYou: The Romanians?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Vladimir? Stefan?

IWantToTouchYou: The strippers?

TheHulk: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMGEE VLAD AND STEF ARE STIPPERZ!

BabeWithBrains: Emmett... shut up. Not even funny.

TheHulk: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH I GOT TOOOLLDDD!!!!

BabeWithBrains: Oh dear God.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: No Aro, not the strippers. The Romanian Coven.

3000YearOldVirgin: Yes, us. The ones whom you robbed of an empire...

RevengeIsSweet: ...burnt the castles of...

IWantToTouchYou: Ah. I see.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Finally.

TheHulk: OMGEE HE SEEEEEEES!!!!

BabeWithBrains: EMMETT!!!

TheHulk: Shut up, right?

BabeWithBrains: You got it.

IWantToTouchYou: It's been a long time, Romanians.

3000YearOldVirgin: Indeed. And every day since then I have dreamt of your corpses burning...

RevengeIsSweet: ...You screaming...

3000YearOldVirgin: ...Smoke rising...

3000YearOldVirgin: Indeed.

BlockYou: ....

HowAreYouFeeling: ....

TheHulk: Awkward!!!

HowAreYouFeeling: I'm leaving... I don't want to get caught up in this...

_**HowAreYouFeeling has signed off**_

TheHulk: Well Hell I aint going anywhere!! This is gunna get messy!!

IHaveForseen: Yeah... It actually is... I saw it...

TheHulk: LOL

BlockYou: Aw shucks.

_**Firstlady has signed on**_

_**ILoveCaius has signed on**_

FirstLady: Well this is rather interesting.

ILoveCaius: Yes, yes, I agree. I love the colour scheme... and Caius...3

TheHulk: OOOH Caius has a fangerl!!!

ILoveCaius: Yes. His wife... :)

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Athenodora?

ILoveCaius: Yes. Hello Caius...:)

Don'tMakeMeAngry: My dear... You have an IM account?

ILoveCaius: I wanted to speak with you... :)

TheHulk: Awwwwwww sweeeeetttt

ILoveCaius: Can I help you?...:(

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Ignore him. He is a fool.

BabeWithBrains: Yeah, thats what I do too.

ILoveCaius: And you are...? :(

BlockYou: The Cullen's

ILoveCaius: Oh...

FirstLady: Them again?

IWantToTouchYou: Sulpicia?

FirstLady: Yes, it is I.

3000YearOldVirgin: The whores have arrived.

RevengeIsSweet: Indeed.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: SILENCE! We eliminated your family once, we can do it again.

TheHulk: OOOOHHHH SCARREEYYY!!!!

BabeWithBrains: EMMETT...

TheHulk: I love it when you say, or uh, type, my name!

IWantToTouchYou: How dare you call our wives such things!

FirstLady: Don't worry Aro, he is a 3000 year old virgin. He would know what, exactly?

TheHulk: OOOH EPIC WIN SULPICIA!!! VLADIMIR WHERE IS YOUR COMEBACK!!!???

3000YearOldVirgin: Rather a Virgin than sleeping with a prostitute...?

TheHulk: FAAAIIILLL!!!!

ILoveCaius: We are not prostitutes! At least... I don't think so... what's a prostitute Caius(LoveYou)?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: No, my darling, you are not. Someone that's sleeps with another for money.

ILoveCaius: Oh... Do you pay me? (LoveYou)

TheHulk: HAHA

Don'tMakeMeAngry: No, love.

ILoveCaius: Oh... so no! I am not a... projestute?

TheHulk: Prostitute?

ILoveCaius: Yes! I meant to say that...:)

TheHulk: FAIL!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: SILENCE FOOL!

TheHulk: O-O Mood switch much!

TheHulk: Wait... lemmie guess... SILENCE FOOL!

BabeWithBrains: Yes

_**:l has signed off**_

TheHulk: BYE BYE BIG M!!!

BlockYou: SILENCE FOOL!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Are you attempting to imitate me? I do not like that...

BlockYou: No sir, not at all.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Hmm... sir. I like how you show your respect...

ILoveCaius: NO! You like me :) (LovesCaius)

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Of course, dearest.

TheHulk: Aw, Caius has a sweet side...

BabeWithBrains: SILENCE FOOL!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Thank you Rosalie.

BabeWithBrains: My pleasure.

ILoveCaius: I like pleasure :)

FirstLady: Good to know.

ILoveCaius: Wait... That's when you feel good...?

FirstLady: *Sighs* Yes, Athenodora.

ILoveCaius: Yes... I like it :)

TheHulk: Pleasure expressions come in all sorts of grammatical forms.

BlockYou: That is the smartest thing you have said all.... actually ever.

TheHulk: Chicks dig brains :D

ILoveCaius: What's a grammatical... thing?

TheHulk: HAHA you are really good at the whole, Dumb Blonde thing ya know.

ILoveCaius: :(... Caius am I... Dumb?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: No my sweet...

TheHulk: Huh, Well...

IHaveForseen: SILENCE FOOL!

FirstLady: Dora is not 'dumb'... but if you were to put her into one of your modern stereotypes, she would be the sweet little blonde that doesn't have much in the intelligence department. Pretty though.

BlockYou: Like, the one that always gets the guy?

FirstLady: Yes, that one.

ILoveCaius: ...:( Caius...? Am I not intelligence....?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: It's Intelligent, my sweet.

FirstLady: See? Exhibit A.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Sulpicia... I am warning you...

IWantToTouchYou: Caius...Do not warn my wife...

FirstLady: Aro...I can speak for myself...

TheHulk: Emmett...PWNS ;D

3000YearOldVirgin: SILENCE FOOL!

TheHulk: You are still here!!???

3000YearOldVirgin: Indeed...

RevengeIsSweet: Observing...

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Well do not. I demand that you leave.

TheHulk: Ooohhh! He demandz!

IWantToTouchYou: SILENCE FOOL!

RevengeIsSweet: I refuse...

BlockYou: *EPIC GASP*

IHaveForseen: Bella...?

BlockYou: Sorry :P

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Stefan and Vladimir... Watch your actions carefully...

3000YearOldVirgin: No, you watch yours...

Don'tMakeMeAngry: You think that you are a match for us?

RevengeIsSweet: In time...

3000YearOldVirgin: We have better alliance...

RevengeIsSweet: More united...

3000YearOldVirgin: Stronger bonds...

RevengeIsSweet: It is so. We have been companions for a longer time than you...

3000YearOldVirgin: We share everything...

RevengeIsSweet: All...

TheHulk: Even beds? :D

ILoveCaius: SILENCE FOOL!..... (Love you Caius...)

3000YearOldVirgin: We almost read one another's minds...

RevengeIsSweet: And even finish each other's...

3000YearOldVirgin: Dinner...

RevengeIsSweet: I was going to say 'sentences.'

3000YearOldVirgin: ...Them as well.

TheHulk: You ruined it

Unknown Person: SILENCE FOOL!

BlockYou: O-O

BabeWithBrains: Who the fuck was that?

IWantToTouchYou: Such language... appalling.

TheHulk: Thats my babe!

3000YearOldVirgin: Let us leave, brother...

RevengeIsSweet: We have issued our warning...

3000YearOldVirgin: Let us finish our...

RevengeIsSweet: Sentences...

3000YearOldVirgin: No, It was dinner that time.

RevengeIsSweet: ...Indeed. Dinner.

_**RevengeIsSweet has signed off**_

_**3000YearOldVirgin has signed off**_

IWantToTouchYou: Lovely! Let us leave too, brothers.

FirstLady: And wives.

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, of course dear.

_**IWantToTouchYou has signed off**_

_**FirstLady has signed off**_

ILoveCaius: No Caius... wait :(

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Dora?

ILoveCaius: I want to talk with you...:) (LovesCaius)

Don'tMakeMeAngry: We live in the same castle, love, and have the same bed chamber. We can talk in reality.

ILoveCaius: But...I can't make a happy face...:)

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Darling, you can use your mouth to make a happy face.

ILoveCaius: Oh... I forgot...:)

Don'tMakeMeAngry: I will see you shortly, love.

ILoveCaius: ....Love you...:)

Caius: Love you too.

_**ILoveCaius has signed off**_

_**Don'tMakeMeAngry has signed off**_

TheHulk: Aww... that wasn't very fun D:

BlockYou: Alice, you said things were going to get messy?

IHaveForseen: They will... tomorrow :)

TheHulk: They're all coming back on!?

IHaveForseen: Yep.

TheHulk: YESS!!

BabeWithBrains: Uh-oh...

BlockYou: I'm actually quite exited :D

TheHulk: HIGH FIVES BELLA!!

Unknown Person: SILENCE FOOL!

BabeWithBrains: I'm leaving...

TheHulk: WAIT! I'm going to give us a grand exit...:D

BlockYou: Emmett why are you pulling at the internet wire-

_**All IM users have signed out due to loss of connection. Please contact your local server if the problem is ongoing. Local server: SAI89775**_

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**Good, bad? **

**I decided to make Athenodora a sweet little dummy because that makes her nature contrast to Caius's... which is cute :) She also seems obsessed with him lol!**

**IN THE NEXT CHAPTER-- A SEMI-SHOWDOWN BETWEEN THE VOLTURI AND ROMANIANZ(stripperz!!) WHILST THE CULLENS ARE SIMILTANIOUSLY ARGUING BETWEEN WHICH IS BETTER: MAC, OR PC/WINDOWS...**

**THERE WILL BE BLOOD!**

**I love Reviews....:) (LovesReviews)**

**RVL**


	4. Emmett Imagines

**Woot chapter four! Epic uploading speedz! (for mees anyway :D) **

**WARNING: MATURE CONTENT! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

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**NAME REMINDERZ (yes I will put a z instead of an S for pretty much anything!)**

Vladimir: 3000YearOldVirgin

Stefan: RevengeIsSweet

Emmett: TheHulk

Edward: IKnowWhatYouDid

Jasper: HowAreYouFeeling

Bella: BlockYou

Rosalie: BabeWithBrains

Alice: IHaveForseen

Carlisle: SmoothOperator

Esme: PerfectHousewife

Aro: IWantToTouchYou

Caius: Don'tMakeMeAngry

Marcus: :I

Jane: SmileAngelSmile

ILoveCaius: Athenodora

FirstLady: Sulpicia

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_**TheHulk has signed on**_

_**IHaveForseen has signed on**_

_**IKnowWhatYouDid has signed on**_

TheHulk: Hey guys! Long time no speak!

IHaveForseen: We live in the same house...

TheHulk: I meant virtual speak. Duh!

IHaveForseen: It's been a day...

TheHulk: Silence! I kill you!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Ahmed the Dead terrorist quote! **OOC: Look it up on youtube... well funny!**

TheHulk: Hell yeah! He Pwns!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Agreed.

TheHulk: Hey Alice, didn't you have a vision that things between the Volturi and Romanians would get messy today?

IKnowWhatYouDid: Volturi? They joined IM?

TheHulk: Yeah! Lemmie replay what happened for you...

IKnowWhatYouDid: Oh...my...Bella. EMMETT!

IHaveForseen: Epic, isn't it. Watch my vision...

IKnowWhatYouDid: Dear god help us...

TheHulk: WOOT! I cannot WAIT!!!

_**SmoothOperator has signed on**_

SmoothOperator: Hello.

TheHulk: CARLISLE! Just in time my would-be-papa

SmoothOperator: For what, exactly?

IHaveForseen: Hell to be unleashed. In the form of the Volturi and the Romanian coven.

SmoothOperator: Volturi? On IM?

IKnowWhatYouDid: Emmett added them.

SmoothOperator: Ah.

IHaveForseen: There will be blood, I assure you that.

IKnowWhatYouDid: :S

TheHulk: :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

_**BlockYou has signed on**_

TheHulk: Bella!!

BlockYou: Hi Emmett!!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Good morning love.

BlockYou: Morning Edward :)... thank you SOO much for the new computer i'm on it now!!!!!!!!

IHaveForseen: You managed to buy her something? Without complaint?

TheHulk: Sweet baby Jesus, it's a miracle!

BlockYou: Yeah, but it's really cool! He got me a brand new apple mac!

TheHulk: Meh... It's ok. PC is better...

BlockYou: Are you on crack! Mac all the way!

IHaveForseen: Mac's break, ALL the time.

IKnowWhatYouDid: No, actually, they do not. And they are easier to use than PC.

TheHulk: No effing way! VISTA is amazing. End of story.

IKnowWhatYouDid: VISTA is a spawn of Satan! It freezes all the time, and conflicts with EVERYTHING.

IHaveForseen: Um, well at least it lasts more than a week, before dying on you.

BlockYou: You don't know what you're talking about!!

SmoothOperator: Does it really matter...?

TheHulk: YES!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Definitely.

IHaveForseen: Duh. Pick a side Carlisle...

SmoothOperator: Well...I don't really know...

TheHulk: Esme prefers PC!

SmoothOperator: Well then. PC it is, I'm afraid!

BlockYou: Oohh, dirty Emmett. Pulling the Esme card!

TheHulk: That's how I roll!!!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Come on Carlisle, can't you disagree with Esme, just for once?

SmoothOperator: Sorry, no can do.

BlockYou: CARLISLE!!!

SmoothOperator: She IS the love of my life. :)

IKnowWhatYouDid: Phwff!

IHaveForseen: Edward, what the hell was that!

IKnowWhatYouDid: An expression of disdain.

_**IWantToTouchYou has signed on**_

_**Firstlady has signed on**_

_**:l has signed on**_

_**ILoveCaius has signed on**_

_**Don'tMakeMeAngry has signed on**_

TheHulk: Ok, we will totally ask the Volturi what they prefer!!

IWantToTouchYou: What about?

IHaveForseen: Aro- Mac or PC??

IWantToTouchYou: Pardon?

TheHulk: MAC OR PC!!! (pick pc)

BlockYou: NO! Pick mac!! It's better!!

IWantToTouchYou: What is a Mac? Or a PC?

FirstLady: Computer types, dear.

IWantToTouchYou: Oh yes, of course.

IKnowWhatYouDid: So? What do you pick?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Why does it matter?

TheHulk: COS IT DOES BITCH!

SmoothOperator: EMMETT! I am very sorry Caius, he gets very passionate about his beliefs.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: He has been warned...

ILoveCaius: Oooh, warned.... LOVE YOU CAIUS :)

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, I am sure he knows Athenodora. Now, Mac or PC? Well I really wouldn't know how to decide...

BlockYou: What do you use?

IWantToTouchYou: I am not sure, actually. There is a small apple, minus a bite, in the corner of my computer, if that helps?

IKnowWhatYouDid: YES! Team MAC!

IHaveForseen: Oh shut up bigface.

BlockYou: Can't handle losing?

TheHulk: Caius, how about you?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: The same as Aro.

TheHulk: DARN YOU!!!

SmoothOperator: Emmett...

BlockYou: Yess!!!

ILoveCaius: If Caius likes apples, so do I....Love you Caius...:)

IKnowWhatYouDid: Win!

TheHulk: Meh... Marcus? Big M? M n M?

:l : Didyme.

IWantToTouchYou: He doesn't see why it matters.

IHaveForseen: It matters because, with a MAC you are paying for a lot of overpriced crap that is impossible to use and has been scientifically proven to give you brain haemorrhages.

BlockYou: BULL!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Well at least with MAC it doesn't stop responding every five seconds.

TheHulk: Who cares? MAC is SHIT!

BlockYou: No! PC is!

IHaveForseen: CHOOSE MARCUS!

TheHulk: YEAH M 'N' M, CHOOSE (PC)

:I : Didyme, Didyme?

IWantToTouchYou: He would like to know the difference.

BlockYou: MAC owns, PC doesn't, that's the difference.

TheHulk: Woa there BellaBlock, Marcunator deserves a better explanation that that, right Big M?

:I : Didyme.

IWantToTouchYou: Yes, he believes that he does.

TheHulk: Ok, imagine a giant Penis...

BlockYou: What!?

SmoothOperator: Emmett!

TheHulk: Shut up and listen! Now, Imagine a giant penis...

FirstLady: Is this necessary?

TheHulk: YES! SILENCE! I KILL YOU!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Dear god...Save us....

TheHulk: Imagine a giant penis flying towards your mouth, and there's nothing you can do about it. And you're like "Oh man, I'm gunna have to suck this thing," and you brace yourself to suck this giant penis. But then, at the last moment, it changes trajectory and hits you in the eye. You think to yourself, "well, at least I got that out of the way", but then the giant penis rears back and stabs your eye again, and again, and again. Eventually, this giant penis is penetrating your grey matter, and you begin to lose control of your motor skills. That's when the giant penis slaps you across the cheek, causing you to fall out of your chair. Unable to move, and at your most vulnerable, the giant penis finally lodges itself in your anus, where is rests uncomfortably for 4, maybe 5 hours. That's what using a MAC is like.

BlockYou: O_O

IKnowWhatYouDid: .....

IWantToTouchYou: ...Lovely...

SmoothOperator: Emmett...I do not know what to say to you.

FirstLady: How about, 'you disturbed child'?

:I : Didyme....

IWantToTouchYou: Unsurprisingly, Marcus has chosen to support PC...

TheHulk: SCORE!! The giant penis story ALWAYS works!!!

ILoveCaius: Caius has a giant penis....:) Love you Caius...

BlockYou: TMI!

IKnowWhatYouDid: Great...

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Dora, sweetheart, they do not need to know that...

ILoveCaius: Sorry Caius... but you don't put yours in my eye... :)... What's an anus...

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Dora! Please, love. This is private, between us.

TheHulk: It's a butthole. Crackhole. ArseHole. You name it.

ILoveCaius: Oh... Caius, you put yours there before...:)...In my anus...:)LOVE YOU

BlockYou: I don't know how to react to that...

TheHulk: How about by vomiting uncontrollably?

BlockYou: That will do.

IWantToTouchYou: Count yourselves lucky. You only have to imagine it. I see it. Everytime me and Caius hold hands...

IHaveForseen: Oohh, that sucks...

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Dora, we are leaving. Now.

ILoveCaius: ...Are you angry with me?... :'(

Don'tMakeMeAngry: No..yes..no, just leave. Now.

ILoveCaius: ...Will I see you naked?...:) (loves Caius)

FirstLady: Enough!

:I : Didyme!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Dora! NOW!

ILoveCaius: ... :'(... I'm sorry....:( :( :(

_**Don'tMakeMeAngry has signed off**_

_**ILoveCaius has signed off**_

BlockYou: Poor Athenodora... she was sad :(

IWantToTouchYou: Caius will not be angry for long, believe me.

FirstLady: He adores Dora too much.

IHaveForseen: Aww...

TheHulk: Touching.... I have another giant penis story for love, if you wanna hear it?

SmoothOperator: DEAR GOD NO!

_**TO BE CONTINUED...**_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Ok, so i noe i sed the Romanianz would be back for this one, with a fight, BUT, it would be way too long so... next chapter!!**

**I admit that I stole the giant penis story of funnyjunk—Thanks!**

**weird but it made me LOL so... yeah**

**NEXT CHAPTER!**

**RVL**

**p.s Review or the Giant penis will come for you...**


	5. Things are getting serious

**Woa it's been a while... but I've had other stories so yeah, this one is more like a breaky thing. :)**

**Anyway, here goes. Loves!**

* * *

_**BlockYou has signed on**_

_**TheHulk has signed on**_

_**SmoothOperator has signed on**_

_**HowAreYouFeeling has signed on**_

_**PerfectHousewife has signed on**_

TheHulk: Hey guys! Today's the big day!!!

SmoothOperator: For what, exactly.

TheHulk: Volturi V Romanians epic battle remember!?

PerfectHousewife: Carlisle told me about what you have done, Emmett. I am disappointed in you.

TheHulk: Aww... Oh well! Epic Battle!!!

BlockYou: Sigh...

SmoothOperator: You may have thrown the vampire world into severe disarray Emmett. It is not something to be proud of, or something you should wish to witness.

TheHulk: Why are YOU here then??

HowAreYouFeeling: Owned

SmoothOperator: To keep a watchful eye over you, Emmett.

TheHulk: :( Communist!

BlockYou: I don't really see how that's related Emmett...

TheHulk: Well you are a new born, so SHUT UP

PerfectHousewife: Emmett, dear!

BlockYou: :(

_**IWantToTouchYou has signed on**_

_**FirstLady has signed on**_

_**Don'tMakeMeAngry has signed on**_

_**ILoveCaius has signed on**_

_**:l has signed on**_

TheHulk: BIG M! How's it?

:l : Didyme.

TheHulk: I feel you.

BlockYou: You understand?

TheHulk: Not at all :)

:l : Didyme....

IWantToTouchYou: Are those Romanians online Carlisle?

TheHulk: You mean the strippers?

PerfectHousewife: Pardon?

SmoothOperator: No they are not, though I fear they will be soon.

FirstLady: This will be interesting...

IWantToTouchYou: Indeed it shall, my dear.

3000YearOldVirgin: Surprise...

RevengeIsSweet: Surprise...

BlockYou: O.O

TheHulk: WTH? You never signed on!??

3000YearOldVirgin: We did not sign off.

TheHulk: You were on all night?

RevengeIsSweet: Indeed.

TheHulk: That had to be boring.

3000YearOldVirgin: No, it was somewhat interesting, was it not brother...?

RevengeIsSweet: Indeed it was...

FirstLady: Am I the only person who thought that sounded suggestive?

TheHulk: My gaydar is tingling!!!!

BlockYou: Haha

3000YearOldVirgin: SILENCE FOOL!

TheHulk: No Vladimir. The whole 'silence fool' thing was yesterday.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Along with the giant penis, of course.

PerfectHousewife: What?

SmoothOperator: I will explain later, dear.

TheHulk: Wink wink, nudge nudge... whay hey hey Carlislay!

SmoothOperator: Son, please be more respectful.

TheHulk: Should I pray?

BlockYou: :P

HowAreYouFeeling: Emmett... :D

SmoothOperator: That will not be necessary.

3000YearOldVirgin: The Volturi should pray...

RevengeIsSweet: For their lives...

FirstLady: I wish to inform you, Gaylords, that this is an internet communication website, through which you cannot harm us.

ILoveCaius: That makes me happy...(love you Caius)

TheHulk: Ooooh, Gaylords! Haha Sully that was some own.

FirstLady: Do not refer to me as such.

IWantToTouchYou: Only I may call her Sully, Cullen boy.

TheHulk: Possessive much.

SmoothOperator: Emmett!

TheHulk: Yah, baass.

BlockYou: Racist.

3000YearOldVirgin: SILENCE!

TheHulk: HE KILL YOU!

RevengeIsSweet: Aro, I have long grown tired of your pathetic attempts at ruling an empire...

3000YearOldVirgin: Along with your misguided 'laws.'

RevengeIsSweet: You would not remain were it not for those sycophantic miscreants which you call your guard...

3000YearOldVirgin: Forced into your clutches by manipulation of bonds...

RevengeIsSweet: We have been plotting, 'your majesties'...

3000YearOldVirgin: So be afraid...

RevengeIsSweet: Very afraid...

TheHulk: Yeeeaahhh! This is more like it!

SmoothOperator: Emmett!

FirstLady: Ooh, we are trembling.

IWantToTouchYou: We defeated your pathetic monarchy with only us as a coven, Romanians, you do not stand a chance.

3000YearOldVirgin: We shall try Volterra!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Oh Vladimir, that will be a sight.

RevengeIsSweet: So it shall...

3000YearOldVirgin: A sight for the rest of the vampire world to pay heed to...

RevengeIsSweet: As they are forced to witness a shift in power...

FirstLady: In your dreams, savages.

3000YearOldVirgin: Power thirsty whore!

IWantToTouchYou: How dare you!

RevengeIsSweet: Foolish Aro, you cannot even see that your own wife does not love you...

3000YearOldVirgin: She is with you for the power...

TheHulk: OOOH, they pulled the 'wife doesn't love you' card.. What are you gunna do about it Aro?

IWantToTouchYou: You do not understand what it is you are saying.

FirstLady: You are incorrect, you insolent fools! I love Aro for who he is, not what he is worth!

3000YearOldVirgin: She is afraid of exposure now, is she not Stefan?

RevengeIsSweet: Indeed.

FirstLady: BASTARDS!

IWantToTouchYou: Calm yourself, loved one...

ILoveCaius: Do you love me Caius...? (Loves Caius)

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Of course.

ILoveCaius: ...:)

TheHulk: Or does he...?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Of. Course.

TheHulk: Or is he simply using you as a tool for his own carnal pleasures...

BlockYou: You're beginning to sound like the Romanians, Emmett

SmoothOperator: Emmett. Enough.

ILoveCaius: .... :(....Caius...?

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Do not pay heed to him, my dearest.

ILoveCaius: .... Of course not....:) (Love You)

RevengeIsSweet: The young Cullen makes a good point, Athenodora...

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Remind me who your partner is, Romanian.

TheHulk: Vladimir.

BlockYou: :P

PerfectHousewife: Emmett, dear. Please...?

FirstLady: Hah! Caius, he could not obtain a mate if he tried!

3000YearOldVirgin: He could.

FirstLady: By paying her? Which what, exactly? Your fortune burned along with your castles, fool.

TheHulk: Damn, I HATE it when that happens...

SmoothOperator: Emmett...

TheHulk: No, seriously! My Castle burned only last week, so yeah... stupid furbies.

BlockYou: I had a furby.

TheHulk: I do now.

HowAreYouFeeling: Does Rosalie know?

TheHulk: No...

HowAreYouFeeling: She will now!

_**HowAreYouFeeling has signed off**_

TheHulk: Damn it! Stupid empath.

SmoothOperator: Why don't you try and stop him Emmett?

TheHulk: Nice try Daddy. But I'm staying put.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Unfortunately.

FirstLady: The idea of a mate for Stefan makes me laugh so! She would have to be blind!

Don'tMakeMeAngry: And deaf.

TheHulk: Dumb as well?

FirstLady: Yes.

TheHulk: Hell yeah!!

3000YearOldVirgin: Vicious beasts! You do infect my eyes! How do you know Stefan has not obtained a partner already?

FirstLady: Why the idea is ridiculous!

3000YearOldVirgin: Is it?

RevengeIsSweet: Vladimir...

IWantToTouchYou: Are you hinting that Stefan HAS found a mate, Vladimir?

FirstLady: Do not joke so, Aro.

3000YearOldVirgin: He has.

RevengeIsSweet: Vladimir. Enough.

TheHulk: Really?

3000YearOldVirgin: Indeed.

TheHulk: How long for?

RevengeIsSweet: Three years...

TheHulk: She wasn't at the witness thingy...

RevengeIsSweet: I did not wish to bring her.

TheHulk: Why?

FirstLady: Because she does not exist.

3000YearOldVirgin: Because your 'dear husband' would have had her killed.

IWantToTouchYou: Is that so?

3000YearOldVirgin: Indeed.

RevengeIsSweet: Vladimir. Carefully...please.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Why is that Vladimir?

3000YearOldVirgin: Why should I tell you?

FirstLady: To prove that this woman is real, and not some wishful thinking on Stefan's behalf.

3000YearOldVirgin: She is real...

:l : She is human.

BlockYou: O.O

TheHulk: Did he just say something that wasn't Didyme??

IWantToTouchYou: She is human, Stefan? Why that is a breach of Vampire law, and is punishable by death...

3000YearOldVirgin: We do not care for your 'laws!'

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Perhaps you will care when we find this human and tear her apart in front of your eyes?

RevengeIsSweet: I will not allow you to lay your filthy hands across her!

TheHulk: This is actually getting quite serious, guys...

SmoothOperator: Now he realises, but AFTER the catastrophe has broken out...

3000YearOldVirgin: You will never find her.

Don'tMakeMeAngry: Oh we shall, believe me.

ILoveCaius: Believe him...(Love you!)

RevengeIsSweet: I will die first!

IWantToTouchYou: How convenient...

TheHulk: I think that maybe...maybe I shouldn't have done this...

BlockYou: Congratulations.

SmoothOperator: Oh Lord help us...

**TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

**AN: Hey guys, thanks for reading! Boy that was fun to write, though a little cheesy maybe... Oh well. Yes, Stefan is with a human, and for future reference, she is a seventeen year old Scot called Ellie :)**

**Review....or the Volturi will come for you...(Believe me!) **


	6. Important Notice

Alright, so I'm sorry to say that as of now, all of my Twilight stories are on hold. I'm sorry if you were a follower – and I will get round to finishing most of them – but I've moved on to a less crazy and hyped up area of fanfiction.

I actually read twilight before it was well known, and when people were still like, "What's Twilight?" And I liked it BECAUSE it was different and not well known. Now EVERYTHING is about Twilight and Vampires/Werewolves, and I'm sick of it. Unfortunately, that means I cannot write these stories and enjoy them.

I've been completely put off from the books and the archive for a while now because of all this, but its only today I decided to stop writing my Twilight stories for a while. I much prefer smaller archives :) I will continue onwards sometime in the future, probably when it's all calmed down a little or when I've gotten over my new hatred for all things vampire.

Sorry again. That's how it is. I just thought I owed whoever is reading my stories - probably no-one - an explanation for no updates.

(Feel free to hate.)

RageRomania (Nee. Romanian-vamp-lvr)


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